A Recovering Hoarder

It all started last January.  My baby was sick.  Sick.  Sick.  Sick. He was just starting down the delicious road of never ending ear infections (of course, I didn’t know it at the time) and the only thing I could do to soothe him was to hold upright all night long.

I don’t know if you’ve ever tried holding a baby all night but it’s not real conducive to sleep so I browsed the inter-webs.   My little family lives in a (relatively) small home.  There are (currently) five of us in our little home and we never seemed to have enough room.  It was driving me batty.  It’s hard enough to have a cluttered, messy home when you can escape during the day but, seeing as I’m a stay-at-home mom, I don’t go anywhere so I’m essentially trapped in my mess.  All day.  Everyday.

So, as I was browsing Google for ideas to “get organized” I happened into the world of minimalism.   I became obessed.  I spent all that night and several days following pouring through the archives of The Minimalists, Becoming Minimalist, and Project 333.  I watched a full lenght documentary on tiny houses. (Watch it here.)  There was an entire world I’d never heard of but I heard truth in every word.  I felt inspired.  I was ready for change and I was ready to take the plunge.

I started small.  I went through my closets and drawers.  I took things straight to the donation center before I could change my mind.  I was on a mission.

And then I fizzled.

Time went by.

Life got busy.

And I reverted to my old habits.

Flash forward 8 months:

I soon found myself pining for a bigger house again.  I’d think, “when we have a bigger house I want it to have this and that.  I wanted another bathroom, a living room separate from the family room.  I wanted a place to put all my “stuff.”  Then a friend of mine texted to let me know they were building a beautiful, new home.  It had a kitchen of my dreams.  It had walk-in closets.  It had a 3 car garage.  And I was envious.  And it made my hubby feel bad, like he wasn’t providing the life I longed for.  And that was NOT the person I wanted to be.  I wanted to be a content, non-consumer driven person that was happy with the truly wonderful life she has.  But how did I get back?  How would I shake my feelings of envy and my desire to have more?

I dove back in, is what I did.  I “surrounded” myself with people I wanted to be like.  I found those same websites I’d forgotten about and read their new posts.

And I’m happy to say, I’m on the road to recovery.  I’m finding who I really am.  I nurturing habits I want to have.  I know it’s a never-ending path but I feel like, after wandering in the woods, dazed and confused, I’ve now found the route to enlightenment.  I’ve found my course and am plodding my way through the much to a new me.

I’m finding me.

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