Jealous

A close friend of mine told me she is pregnant today and my heart hurts.  I hate that I feel this way.  It feels disloyal and selfish.  It is disloyal and selfish and yet I still feel it.  And I hate myself.  I don’t remember if I’ve shared this here before or not but my husband and I have suffered from infertility before.  It took us three years to get pregnant with our first son.

08-IMG_4075I know I should just be thankful.  And I am.  I have three beautiful, wonderful children.  We have more kids, already, than most people want to have at all today.  And yet, here I am, longing for one more.

We’ve been trying for some months now.  Longer than my dear friend whom is now pregnant.  And I am not.

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