I Keep Myself Busy


I’m 3.5 months in to this nightmare and I still feel like I can’t really wrap my mind around what happened. I find myself staring pictures of him and noticing all the reasons it can’t be true. But he’s so big. He’s so strong. He’s right there. He’s right here in this picture I took not that long ago. He’s smiling that sweet, smirky smile.

I’ve been trying to fill my life with distractions. Anything to keep my mind from fixating on my new reality. I feel like I’m doing a pretty good job but then night comes. It’s getting easier but there’s a long way to go before I enjoy my solo evenings again.

I used to look  forward to the quiet of night. Even if my love was going to be working I enjoyed the peace of night. Now I fill it with noise. I’m happy to have a break from my mothering duties but my world feels empty. I so long for the comfort of the love of my life. I long for my tv companion. What I’d give to have my bed companion.

I miss our long talks. I miss his warm strong body. I miss his soft green/brown eyes. I miss his mirthful smile. I miss his big hands holding mine. I miss his love and comfort.

I miss my love.




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